There in the void of space, exists a myriad of lifeforms searching for others like themselves. Located in one of the spiral arms of the Milky Way is such a race: The Panspermic Papayas. An austere and enlightened race, Panspermic Papayas have evolved to a stage where they have become successful in hermaphroditic reproduction. This power to reproduce infinitely and their eugenic experiments have allowed their civilization to reach great heights in authoritarian political dominance, interstellar investments, coldblooded logic gate applications and social engineering. Having lived off numerous dying planetary systems parasitically over millenniums, the Papayas decided they needed more resources to defile. Once more they got onto their mothership, a gargantuan blue rimmed disk-shaped spaceship named Itsnotmyfaultyouaredumb. Armed with a lightning pulse generator drive it's a fearsome battlecruiser that smites unfortunate enemies with a deadly charge of defamaton beam. As it flew out of the dying planet Suckeddry in hyper escape velocity, the light from the nearby white dwarf sun of the system reflected brightly off its hull making it appear whiter than white. The pilot of Itsnotmyfaultyouaredumb engaged the lightning pulse generator drive and a slow hum begun. The craft vibrated subtly as a red plasma streak resembling crimson lightning appeared across the diameter of the ship in the direction of travel. The lightning pulse grew brighter and started warping the gravity of the nearby planet Suckeddry. In an instant of less than 0.5 picoseconds, the planet wobbled on its axis and a wormhole engulfed the Itsnotmyfaultyouaredumb launching it forward into warp space. Minutes later a huge tectonic upheaval tore apart the dying planet, revealing its molten core. Billions of screams evaporated as they were silenced by the vacuum of space. The race of Keeppayingplebiansanddiehahaha was no more. A gigantic amorphous cloud appeared near orbital distance of the fragmented planet, it looked upon the grotesque terraform sprouting magma into the thinned out atmosphere and dimmed as if it felt great sorrow. The amorphous form glowed yellow and multi hued auras floated within it's cloud-like body. It was a Galactic Watcher belonging to the bureau of Karmic Transgression Management(KTM). Beginning a slow orbit around the devastated planet, the amorphous form took mental pictures of the transgression . Vibrating in harmonious musical notes, it added the event to a mounting archive on the sins of the Panspermic Papayas.
The Intergalactic Good Karma Convention held on the Planet Dontgiveashitabouthague had passed a bill 10 millenniums ago which outlawed interstellar travel via planetary destruction and member races signed a treaty allowing application of Unified Karmic Laws across star system borders to apprehend criminals who violate this act . The Panspermic Papayas had refused to be part of the member list, existing outside jurisdiction of the KTM. As a result Panspermic Papayas seek an eternal physical existence to avoid reincarnation as it falls within KTM jurisdiction. Eternal physical existence requires heavy sustenance in forms of physical resources. To lead princely lives the Panspermic Papayas had assumed a leech mentality in order to propagate their eternal physical existence. Utilization and social engineering of backward species and fresh planets became a priority in Papaya doctrines. Over the millenniums Papayas have siphoned at the rate of 500 planets/millennium. Recent surges in expenditure on lifestyle products has increased their quota to 700 planets/millennium. The Great Leader of Papayas, GrandHighhandedLord Toobrightanyew had repeatedly insisted that the quota increase as necessary to prevent a devolution trend from happening and that it was critical to the maintenance of a viable ruling Panspermic Papaya existence. Editor Note : We at the Bombastic Legion Of Great Intergalactic Publishers think its total crap talk.
In the year 6661965666, the Itsnotmyfaultyouaredumb appeared hurtling out of warp space into the opposite end of the Milky Way. Activating long range bioscanners, the Panspermic Papayas found 3091200 viable locations for exploitative cultivation. Powering the immense thrusters, Itsnotmyfaultyouaredumb sped towards the nearest Planet they codenamed Secret Garden. Taking a variety of stolen genetic technology from the star system Iwonnobleprizehireme, the Papayas produced a race of rodents and seeded them on Secret Garden. The grand plan as proposed by GrandDuke Dimwitdraconian, offspring sired by GrandHighhandedLord Toobrightanyew was to milk the natural resources of Secret Garden and to alter the social structure of the planted mice species for the benefit of Papayas. Then the Papayas would take the mice harvested peanuts to power their other planetary conquests. They named the mice Getoutofmyeliteface Extremelystupidplebians. Using accelerated evolution they shaped the mice into sentient lifeforms in a matter of minutes and proceeded to image themselves as godlike entities sent to administrate the advance of the mice. . The mice at this stage of evolution were a scattered race which populated a small continent on the watery planet Secret Garden. Infighting and cannibalism was common place for the mice. To control the chaos, Panspermic Papayas decided that the inferior race of mice needed part of their divine genetic material , hence they created hybrids from the mice, inserting Papaya genes into selected family trees. Out of these hybrids a particularly docile and cooperative lineage was formed: IamaSuckyDork. Panspermic Papayas obtained unwavering loyalty from these rodent hybrids by grand promises of afterlife . Thinking about the rosy picture of having 42 virgin wives and unlimited powers of arrest, IamaSuckyDork agents work hard controlling the population of Getoutofmyeliteface Extremelystupidplebians.
To further cement their dominance over the mice, Panspermic Papayas began building great monuments of power to show the mice that they had the mandate of heavens and their rule was to be unquestionable. The IamaSuckyDork agents equipped with invisibility suits lurking about augmented the mystical propaganda by arranging disappearing acts for naughty mice who refused the religion. Memes like studying is good, infighting is bad, work hard to grow peanuts, birth control, the gods care about you etc were implanted in the mice society. Cold blooded logic gates technology enforced the obedience: Work OR Die! Pay AND pay! Freedom NOT worthwhile! IF you oppose, you vanish!Over time the coldblooded logic gates and memetic technology fused to become unchallenged memeplexes which conducted the evolution of the mice in a manner that suited the Panspermic Papayas. The mice were becoming timid, docile and hardworking, providing the Papaya gods with all the peanuts they need. As days went past the Papaya gods demanded higher amounts of peanuts as tribute from the mice. Powerful as the Papayas were they could not control the randomness which is Nature. The mice soon discovered that the peanuts they so painstakingly grew were flaunted and spent carelessly by the Papaya gods. Some Gods like Fatflatulentlady were even feeding pet monkeys with excessive peanuts for leisure. Eventually over 4ooyears of repression some mice mutated naturally, taking on a more inquisitive and bold nature. They had escaped the memetical control regime!The new mice contacted the outer star systems establishing contact with the Bombastic Legion Of Great Intergalactic Publishers. They tried building a safe haven in the remote region of Whitehorse Nebula known as blogspace where the publishers dwell. Alas the Papayas had wide contacts and Whitehorse Nebula was filled with Papaya cronies for who made life difficult for the new mice. In desperation a mice named CheerSalutationsJoy sabotaged the air fields of the Papaya gods, launched several escape pods modified with cloaking technology and leaped into warp space; escaping the clutches of the Papayas. Hiding in secret locales outside the scanner range of the false Papaya gods, CheerSalutationsJoy and other renegade mice work hard to spread awareness on the memetically imposed oligarchy seeking to free their trapped brethen. Will the memetical mice ever be freed? It remains unanswered but with each new dawn another mice awakens.
Auhor's Note:
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used ficticiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Auhor's Note:
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used ficticiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
